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So my last lesson has officially ended last Thursday and thinking about how that is my very last lecture in school possibly in my whole entire life makes me really )))))))))): !!(unless I decide to further my studies, which wouldn’t be anytime soon if that’s the case)

Sent a msg to Char the other day telling her I’m sad and here’s what she said hahaha!! (She’s working already!)

I’m feeling kind of complex now because these 4 years I wasn’t really emotionally attached towards the school but now I’ve this really heavy feeling in my heart now that I’ve registered that school life is ending. I mean, back when I was in Secondary/JC, I knew I would be sad on the last day in school.. But for university, I never expected myself to feel this way too cos university education is alot different during the times back then where we had proper classmates whom we’re familiar with and teachers who followed us through.. And I wouldn’t say that I’ve a very exciting uni life because school to me was just somewhere I go to for lectures, then return home. Throughout my stay I haven’t exactly felt any sense of belonging to the school mainly because I wasn’t really active in any clubs or school activities. But don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my school and where I study, like how T’s roomie from Canada said that our campus is so much nicer and entertaining than back home. And that’s possibly my biggest regret in uni life – not being more active in school. But I’m glad that T’s in the same school as me and that’s one of the motivating factors why I go school even if I’ve to travel 3hrs for only a 2hrs lecture (and why I even chose NTU over NUS in the first place).

Random snippets of my last few weeks in school using my iPhone!

My clicker which has been with me throughout these 4 years.. And I’ve only used it like only 3 modules at most.

Crazy queue forming for the Exam Welfare Package. I’ve never taken the package throughout my university life as well cos I’m not a fan of queuing for stuffs.

It stretches all the way to the front!!!

Damn stressed until hair’s super messy.

SO STRESSED FOR WHAT. Smile!! ((((((((((:

Look at his notes!!! So crazy, don’t know how he manages to read them.

Okay I’m off to study. Amount of stuffs I’ve to magically store into my brain within 5 days.

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Today, I attended a special ceremony after normal church service. My aunt and uncle renewed their wedding vows after 29 years of marriage, and to them this marks a milestone in their life because for a long time, their family was in chaos. Every time I share with someone of their story, I get all emotional and feel like crying because I saw for myself how a broken family was mended and how things took a super drastic 180 degrees change.

For about 8 years since I was in Secondary, I’ve heard about how my uncle had gambling problems and how he always borrowed money from my mum and relatives to pay off debts. J (my cousin) told me how loan sharks would come and haunt them, and how her Dad would beg her mum for forgiveness and promise that he would never do it again. But eventually the same cycle continued again and dragged on for years.

About 2 years ago, their marriage was on the rocks and my aunt almost wanted a divorce because she could no longer stand this kind of lifestyle. That morning right before her mum went to the lawyer’s firm to sign the papers, J gave her mum this verse from the Bible that she felt God spoke to her when she was praying about this issue. (J’s a Christian while her parents were not at that time) After reading the word, somehow her mum cancelled the appointment with her lawyer and started attending church but my aunt and uncle still weren’t on talking terms yet. A few months later, J gave her Dad another verse from God by writing it on a piece of paper and slot it some place where her Dad would see it. The next day, her Dad came to her and said: “I don’t know what that verse means, but I will not gamble anymore”

At that point, J didn’t really take her Dad’s words seriously because he has been saying the same thing for so many years and yet still reverted to his old ways. But ever since then, her Dad started attending church and has not gambled anymore. All our relatives were shocked to see how the family took to a 180 degrees change. The change is so drastic you wouldn’t believe the family was once so chaotic. (And in case you’re wondering, my aunt and uncle were Buddhists before this and they’re the kind I never imagined they would become Christians one day.)

I admit that my own faith in my religion is not as strong as most people out there because I don’t come from a broken family and I’m not a problem child.. Basically my point is, my life is thankfully alright so I’m not in the situation whereby my life can go through a 180 degrees change. But it’s through this incident of my aunt and uncle that makes me want to know God better and find out what He has in store for my life, simply because this change in their family is something that left a very huge impact on myself because i witnessed how it changed from a cold, family to one that’s filled with love and happiness.

Okay I hope the above wasn’t too wordy or anything (I’ve already tried to touch on the main points only), just inspired to share after attending the session this morning!

Here’s the card my relatives prepared for my aunt and uncle for their “remarriage”. Haha.

On a side note, I’m going to start reading these cookbooks I got from Jipaban!! I haven’t really tried cooking anything fanciful yet but I actually really enjoy watching cooking shows so I think I might have a hidden talent in cooking hahaha! And potatoes and chickens so happened are my favourite ingredients so… maybe my future husband can be prepared to eat different kinds of potatoes and chickens everyday lolol. And I really like Gorden Ramsay after watching Master Chef! (And if you try to search on Youtube, he makes his cooking tutorials look so easy peasy.)

Enjoy the remaining of your Sunday!! And Happy Easter Sunday everyone. (:

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Saw this post on FB today and thought to share it:

“A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”
It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!”

—

Too often life gets miserable because we think too much. It’s like clenching a fist. The longer you clench, the more tiring it gets. And the moment you let go of the clenched fist you’ll find yourself feeling so much more relaxed. So instead of mopping around and feeling sorry for yourself, start doing something about it. After all, life is too short to indulge in anything that’s not making you happy.

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I’m sure everyone has times when they just feel very lousy about life, about themselves and feel that whatever they do is not up to mark. And today, I’m feeling this way. Suddenly it seems like the future is a grey area. And I feel so uncertain about myself, and whether I’m ready for the working world yet. Is this some kind of quarter life crisis thingy?? It seems so scary, like you wouldn’t know what kind of people you’ll meet next time. And believe me when I say that there are all sorts of characters in this world, and a couple of weird ones whom I just can’t comprehend the actions that they do. (An example is when I was at a career fair in school on Tues. And I was standing beside this girl who was asking the HR personnel questions. We had eye contact and she seemed quite friendly. So halfway through their conversation I had a question to ask, so I waited when there was a pause between their conversation before I asked so I wasn’t interrupting her or what. Then after that I saw her again at another booth with her friends and I smiled at her. And I saw her turning to her friends and said in Mandarin: “Just now at ___ booth there were these 3 girls standing beside while I was talking to the HR person and one of them just charp in while I was talking halfway.” And she made sure she’s saying it loud enough for me to hear. LIKE WTH?! So bitchy over something this small! And all along the HR personnel gave me eye contact as well like I’m included in the conversation so i really don’t see what’s wrong with me just asking one question and standing there and listening to the conversation because the poor guy would have to repeat to me another time if I weren’t there right? And it’d be so inefficient to do that! It’s a career fair loh if you want private conversations maybe you should visit their office or something?? And to think I even thought she was nice….. SO DISGUSTED.

Okay, I think I digressed too much lol. Anyway, it’s hard to put into words how exactly I’m feeling now. My mind feels like there’s a million and one things going through it. There’s my school stuff, my FYP, job application, whether I can even get a job cos job market is getting bad… (Sadly, this blog is the last on my list. I’m so sorry if I’ve neglected you.) I’m someone who’s not easily stressed, but when I do, it feels like my head is going to explode and there’s this stifling feeling in the chest. And times like these, I just feel so lousy about myself. Like why can’t I be more capable then maybe everything would be a breeze, why does it seem like I’m good at nothing.. Even though I seem like the very chill kind of person to most of my friends, and that I’m a very easily contented person, reality is that I do have a certain expectation of myself and I do get affected when I fall below that standard. I remember crying very badly the first time I failed a test in Secondary and how sad I was cos I felt so lousy.

When I’m feeling depressed and stressed, all I feel like doing is to lazy around and doing nothing. And when you’re in that mood, bad things seem to come your way, like falling down for no apparent reason, etc. etc. It’s actually quite a nice thing to do to sit around and do nothing, but I told myself that time doesn’t wait for anyone. Whether you’re happy or sad, time still goes by. Why not make every moment a happy one instead of being so pessimistic and thinking of how bad your life is all the time.

I realised when you think happy thoughts, everything will seem to go the right way. And by personal experience , whenever my day starts right, everything good will follow. So maybe all of us should wake up everyday, look into the mirror and tell yourself: “Today will be a good day!”
That way, you’ll be filled with happy thoughts and a more optimistic view to start the day right. And well, you simply can’t improve yourself if all you do is to whine about life and letting the negativity suck all the energy out of you.

Okay, long wordy post. My mood started off as really bad when I first wrote this, but I’m feeling much better already!!

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